


don't lose your fight, kid

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship, Ideation, M/M, Missing You, Monochrome, Promises, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, a ton of promises, all time low lyrics, falling away, itll all come together, itll be okay, sorry - Freeform, trigger warning for, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 03:53:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12100149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He thinks that no one sees him trying





	don't lose your fight, kid

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for this absolute mess
> 
> i actually cried while writing this. 
> 
> i listened to saturn which made me even more emotional, so maybe do - if you want
> 
> I wrote what gee says to help me get through the night - I hope it helps you too x 
> 
> im holding onto my friends, my parents, and this music for dear life.
> 
> <3
> 
> the song, missing you, helps me through everyday.  
> the lyrics get to me every single time.  
> i recommend it highly x

I am falling

* * *

everything is all

monochromatic

Until that one moment

when I lose control

and pay the price 

from the red lines

on my wrists.

I am trying to survive

I am trying

I am trying 

so hard.

* * *

 I am, I promise.

I swear I am

* * *

But no one sees

through the faked smiles

the way that I want to disappear 

when I constantly fuck up

no one sees how only my friends light up

my day when he holds me

to him.

* * *

He will never know that he is saving me everyday

Mikey Way is utterly oblivious

I would like to keep it that way.

* * *

 I don't deserve them

my parents

care too much about me

when here I am

everynight

battling all the fog that won't leave.

* * *

Here I am, pen to paper

hastily putting my tornado 

of thoughts to paper

instead of the red lines on my wrist

and the heaviness

of the self hatred

that comes when I hurt myself.

I write pointless

empty words.

That mean nothing 

alike to the vessel who wrote them.

* * *

I need Pete,

I need my best friend,

my brother.

But we are separated

by different uniforms

different homes.

The only thing keeping us together 

when we are apart

is the light shining from our phones and our laughs into receivers.

* * *

With shaking fingers,

I hurriedly dial Gerard's number

he picks up on the first ring.

"Hey. Tell me."

"I... can't do this anymore. It- it won't stop.

I want it to stop. I want it all to stop."

I say too softly, the heaviness lifted from my spine,

replaced with numbing anxiety. 

"You matter, Pat, please stay."

"But..." I protest, my voice hoarse from the crying and the screaming.

* * *

"Ignore it tonight.

Please."

The stars, the chunks of light,

are surrounding me,

cutting through

the static,

the fog, 

the darkness.

"The world may be ugly, Pat,

but it is also remarkable

and beautiful."

My dam breaks and I sob into the receiver.

"Gee,

I love you.

Thank you."

I hear his sigh of 

relief.

"You matter, Pat, I mean it.

And I love you so much.

I'm proud of you.

I'll be here in the morning okay?"

* * *

"You promise?"

I can hear Gerard's laugh-cry into the phone "Always."

"I'll never end up like you."

"You will Patrick, it'll all come together. Some day at least

and for the time being,

we'll be here.

And you can hold onto us all you want."

He muttered something I didn't catch,

"What did you say?" I asked gently.

I could hear his small smile through the phone

His soft voice wavered through the mobile line, shaking with every word. 

"Hold on tight,

this ride is a wild one

make no mistake,

the day will come when you can't cover up what you've done.

Now don't 

lose your fight kid.

It only takes a little push to pull on through.

With so much left to do,

you'll be missing out.

And,

we'll be missing,

you."

* * *

And so the sun rose

and here I was.

Still breathing,

my heart thumping, 

Gerard's arms around me;

"Do you want Pete to come round?"

He whispered into my ear 

with a soft smile.

I nodded, careful not to fall apart all over again.

Gee traced the lines on my wrists, a sad smile etched on his features.

"How long have you been clean for?"

I contemplated my answer - trying to remember, then the truth dripped from my tongue.

"Three weeks."

"Have you been writing?"

I gave my friend a look and laughed gently, tears suddenly springing to my eyes.

"Yes, I have."

"Your words matter, Patrick, like you do.

Please remember that."

"I will," I muttered.

"I promise you."

**Author's Note:**

> please stay alive  
> please
> 
>  
> 
> YOU ALL MATTER SO FUCKING MUCH REMEMBER THAT.


End file.
